


We're all stories, in the end

by lailaps91



Category: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV)
Genre: F/M, Post-Canon, Toddlers, parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:07:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23252185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lailaps91/pseuds/lailaps91
Summary: Set years after the series finale of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Rebecca and Nathaniel find themselves in a world of pacifiers, plush toys and the question if a kid is its parents reflection. A reflection on their own habits, personalites and stories.
Relationships: Rebecca Bunch/Nathaniel Plimpton
Comments: 13
Kudos: 17





	1. We're all awareness, in the end

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [where all the biggest questions meet](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22704643) by [eyesontheskyline](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eyesontheskyline/pseuds/eyesontheskyline). 



> Inspired by the most sweetest five snapshots of eyesontheskyline, I tried to imagine what Rebecca and Nathaniel would be like as parents. Would love to know what you think.
> 
> The title "We're all stories, in the end" is a quote by Steven Moffat.

🥨👶🦥

» He sits on the toilet and reads the book to himself. It’s the cutest thing. I should send you a video. Definitely! I should send you one! « Paula gives a look of disgust to the blabbering Rebecca, while she sips on her wine. » But we’re no longer allowed to leave the door open. So yeah, stop with the face, it’s not going up on our gurl group text «

» Valencia and Heather will thank me later « is all Paula has to offer. Rebecca acknowledges this for not even a second. » It’s always like “Close the door mommy, it stinks!” now, but you should see his face it’s like a perfect copy of Nathaniel whenever I leave the door to the toilet open as if defecation isn’t the most basic human thing there is. It just cracks me up. Isn’t it so, my silly-pickle? « Rebecca leans forward and kisses the head of the toddler who is bouncing on her thighs. Flynn Liam Plimpton-Bunch is turning three in the summer and his soft curly hair still smells like milk and comfort.

» Brandon refused to use the potty, it was a nightmare with the both of us in tears most of the time, I tell you «, Paula contributes and tops off her glass. » Still, I will never forgive those two for growing up so fast. I’m sorry, it’s just so strange that Tommy really left for college. Can you believe that? I couldn’t. I don’t know what’s going on with me lately. So emotional. You’d think that once they’ve all fled the nest you will finally be able to breath after all these years of worries and fear, but somehow, I only feel like I lost them as a mother. So silly. Sorry. Just seeing this little fellow here makes me wish I could go back to that. I’m sorry « The little stuffed alligator “Termigator”, that Rebecca found in the gift shop of the San Diego Zoo when she was pregnant with Flynn, rests between Paula’s hands, she avoids eye contact and when everything seems to be a bit overwhelming she nudges Flynn’s nose with the plush toy. » So you hold on to that. Promise me, cookie «

Rebecca finds Paula’s hand on the table. » Oh Paula, maybe you could see it like… I don’t know that now you can enjoy other things «

» Like a house that doesn’t smell like teenage hormones and sweaty socks « she laughs teary-eyed.

» For example « Rebecca joins in.

» Like your play? «

» Or different things. Things that don’t have to do with art « Rebecca tries to shrug it off.

“So, how’s the production going? Will we see it on stage anytime soon? « Paula asks.

Rebecca nods with the hint of a smile. She’s not ready to admit defeat yet.

The rehearsals of her musical theater production group are going slow, too haphazardly in her opinion. She’s rewriting lyrics in the car dropping Flynn off at preschool or at work or in line at the supermarket. And she knows she’s demanding and pushy, but she tells herself it’s for the best of reasons, but deep down she knows that she needs this to be a success. Because she simply wants self-fulfillment. These sorrows about failure and frantic perseverance play the tune in her sessions with Dr. Akopian recently and frequently. These last few weeks it hurt her to keep these subjects from the ones she loves. When she meets the gurl group in a bar for a night out, when she chats away with Darryl over the counter on his lunch break, when she applies her makeup and catches Nathaniel smiling at her in the mirror while he steps out of the shower, but even the thought of telling about her losing convulses her stomach. Dr. Akopian asked her to think about the amount of energy she contributes to hide her true feelings then instead of using it to play fair and square. Thinking about her words, Rebecca concluded that it wasn’t about the hiding part, because she has to admit to herself that not letting anyone in on her true feelings regarding her situation triggers a little explosion of glitter inside. Just a tiny one. But a tiny one it is. That feeling that she can get away with it all. And she knows it’s not healthy, it never was, but the courage to admit that she’s at her wits’ end is written on another page.

There was a time when Flynn was an infant the panic attacks returned. They creeped up on her, slowly and with most utter care and suddenly it was all too much. Too much responsibility, too much emotions and to less connection to herself. Until she realized that it all began after she slowly started to smother Nathaniel out of pure fear of abandonment in a sick and twisted way reminding her of her own father walking out on her and her following in the footsteps of her mother. That irrational thought Nathaniel would one morning kiss her goodbye and leave for work at HSUS and never look back, leaving her with their infant and her own darkness. It took time to recover from this episode. Self-reflection is a rocky road and at best reminds her of all the steps she’s taken, the process of breaking the cycle, how far she has come, seeing these patterns.

» Hello ladies « A baritone voice can be heard in the hallway and gets greeted by a bluster of raised eyebrows and lectures about patriarchy and the disparagement of women out of male insecurity.

» Worth a shot « Nathaniel grins deviously as he enters the room in workout gear, sweaty all over and leans in for a kiss, Rebecca is more than willing to give to him. » How was your run? «, she asks him under her breath, their lips parting.

» Twelve miles. It was ok. « Nathaniel ruffles through Flynn’s hair who is still deep in his own world, doodling with crayons. » Did you finish your spinach risotto, Flynn? « A babble is the only response.

» We had to use our full name to remind us that forks and spoons exist, but we pulled through thanks to auntie Paula here «

» Thanks, Paula «

» What can I say I’m a natural with kids « Paula shrugs her shoulders and Nathaniel is almost willing to say something about rumors that one of her sons sells weed by the side but passes the opportunity. Instead Rebecca focuses his attention on their son’s newest purchase.

» Show daddy what you found at the pharmacy just now to send to Grandma Gigi « Proudly Flynn presents a greeting card of his choosing. A cheesy drawn racoon holding balloons on the front.

» Oh wow « Nathaniel’s look of shock and horror swifts quickly to a bright smile as he sees Rebecca shaking her head, reminding him of their liberal parenting style. Nathaniel clears his throat.

» Grandma will definitely enjoy this for her birthday, buddy. Great job «

He indicates a high-five and Flynn joins in with his tiny hand.

It suddenly comes to Paula’s mind as she takes a sip from her almost empty glass of wine: » Oh, before I forget. That’s something I wanted to talk to you guys about. Have you gotten the invite to Darryl’s party jet? «

» Yeah, but that’s the weekend “sharp Aryan” and I fly out to see my mom. She demands to see her grandkid. She actually used the phrase “demand” «

» Sharp Aryan? «

» That’s what she calls Nathaniel sometimes semi-jokingly, but we all know it’s not. It’s like super insensitive and problematic «

» At least she stopped calling me a Nazi to my face «

» Classic Naomi « Paula rolls her eyes.

» Totally «

» And I would totally love to go to Darryl’s party even though they are a little to exaggerated for my taste, but I gotta go see my favorite mother-in-law « he spills out between drinking some water to hydrate after his run.

» You only got one «

» I know « Nathaniel winks, looks at his smartwatch and announces to Flynn that it definitely is time for bed. » Alright, alright, people! « Flynn throws his hands in the air in a dramatic fashion, admitting defeat that there is no chance for him to stay up and scribble away at his greeting card.

» That was so you, cookie! « Paula interrupts the conversation and laughs out loud, while Nathaniel joins in. The wine does the rest. As Rebecca tries to come up for air during laughs, her son bouncing up and down on her knees, it hits her. Somehow the little cheesy drawn balloon in her head bursts and she can’t help but wonder why her own son is more mature than her in admitting his losses.

Aren’t kids a reflection of their parents? So how can she be a good role model when she can’t even admit to her failures herself? It’s a crucial test of her strength and eventually she will have to jump over this obstacle. Eventually is today. It must be.

» What was the word he used when that guy cut us off a few days back? « Nathaniel asks and Rebecca responses with the hint of embarrassment: » Schmock «

» Yeah that’s what it was « » In my defense I really don’t think I use it that often «

» Of course « Nathaniel grins and it is the way he grins and the situation surrounded by the people she loves that makes her feel home.

He can see so much of Rebecca in their son. Throwing a tantrum in the most dramatic forms, elaborating plans and instructions how a certain toy must be played with or being oblivious when his focus is elsewhere. So much energy and happiness. But he can also see himself in his son. He loves the swimming pool at his grandparents’ house and is in pure fascination whenever they make it to the beach. Watching the waves crashing on the shore and sand with a look on his face as if his mind tries to admit to the grandeur of nature. In fact, Flynn’s development is at a stage of many demanding and understanding questions of his world and environment. They barely make it through a pop-up book about the animals at the farm or in the woods or under the sea, because there is always something or a detail that piques his curiosity.

One lazy Sunday morning when Rebeca was sleeping in after her rehearsals and Flynn was his usual hyped morning-self, she glanced sleepy-eyed around the corner of the living room, observing her son sitting in his father’s lap, balancing a book about two princes falling in love on his knees. A present from WhiteJosh. He absorbed it all like a sponge and now drops his little kernels of knowledge and wisdom whenever and wherever it is possible.

“Boys can love boys too, Grandma Gigi” he explained weeks later in a very clarifying tone when Nathaniel’s mother and Rebecca picked him up from preschool and the biological distinction between boys and girls will become his newest theme of obsession. Gigi Plimpton laughed lustily and approved of her grandson’s observation. Somehow, to Rebecca’s amazement, Flynn broke through her façade of decency and perfection the moment she laid eyes on him for the very first time. Casually she carries him around on her hip and teaches him the names of the flowers growing in her garden. Laughing and joking, cuddling her grandchild, smothering him with kisses when he’s already tucked into his car seat and they’re ready to go. Deep inside as Nathaniel watches the pair in the rearview mirror, he sometimes can’t help but feel a slight hint of jealousy and remorse afterwards. Flashes of abandonment of any shape or form. His father putting a hand on his shoulder and explaining to him what an opportunity it will be once he arrives at boarding school as if his 10-year-old self would have a choice. Feeling ashamed to cry at his funeral. Stashing away this eroding pit of emptiness from within and instead lashing out to his staff. And then there’s that little puncturing voice in his head that asks him why he never took a leap of fate to tell his father how he felt. That his father never taught him how to ride a bike. That he’s weak after all. That he wished for a fatherly advice when Flynn was brought home from the hospital with four stitches after falling from the slide on the playground, Nathaniel out of his mind with fear. That all of it was for nothing. Nathaniel’s throat thickens. Suddenly it’s hard to breath and he feels the tears swelling in his eyes. A deep trembling breath escapes him, trying to lie to himself that he has it all under control. And he wants to wipe it off as simple exhaustion, but Rebecca observers him carefully. Not saying a word, but her eyes speak of understanding that to mourn the lost times and misdirected paths is natural and alright. Her hand finds his on the center console, their fingers intertwining and somehow the squeeze of her fingers clear the black clouds in his mind, ground him in the present, let him breath again.

In the meantime, Flynn brought the greeting card to perfection, by drawing scrawls and scribbles of red and green on the inside, representing roses as he declares more than once in the bathroom this night and the next day on the way to the post office. » I’ll take him of your hands «, his father says.

» And off you go, silly-pickle. Termigator and I will be right there to tuck you in « A smooch on Flynn’s cheek by Rebecca as Nathaniel picks him up and pretends to be an airplane taking off for minty teeth cleaning and rumpled sheets. This journey ending in an airplane crash right outside the hallway.

» Rebecca, for real?! You said you’d move your production stuff by tonight. It’s still all over the place! I almost lost a toe! « Nathaniel shouts out in pain and moments later the clatter of little feed follows. Flynn peeks his head into the living room. » Mommy, you are lazy « » Excuse me? « An overdramatic and horrified look on Rebecca’s face, that makes her son laugh.

» Daddy is way to uptight, tell him that « He runs off and Paula sits in the front seat to witness a slugfest, staged by a 2-year old boy between his parents. One comedic moment after another.

»Daddy says you are a danger to live around « » He’s a neat freak «

»You’re a sloth « is Nathaniel’s jokingly response delivered through their son.

» He’s a Perfect Plimpton « is Rebecca’s riposte, which leads into the final round. Flynn bounces into the living room like a ball of energy drinks and none fed candy.

» Daddy says you’re the woman of his dreams! « he squeezes out between giggles, jumping up and down. »Tell daddy that he is a sycophant« Flynn laughs in Rebecca’s arms, even though there is no possible way he could know the definition of sucking-up, but it doesn’t matter. It’s funny all the way down. Off he is and from the hallway a loud and throaty laughter appears after Flynn’s delivery.

Later when Paula has left, Nathaniel will tell Rebecca that their son pronounced “sycophant” like “elephant”. This will bring a smile to her face and she can’t help but feel that this is love.

Of course, they fight, and they bicker. They fight about how to spend money and time management or where to spend the holidays. And she bickers about him driving too fast and he bickers about her drinking milk straight out of the bottle. But at the end of the day that’s what grounds them in reality. No fairytale castles in the clouds that occupy the room for them to lose sight of each other.

They’re not perfect and that what makes them love each other even more.

That’s why Nathaniel will look up from his book and put away his reading glasses which he started to wear lately because of shortsightedness and make him look like a dork in his words, but all she is reminded of somehow is a sexy math professor. » Woman of your dream, huh? Bit obsessive « she will impart with him sarcastically to which he will response: » It’s in that line «

» I’d buy you a house in Portland « she will whisper.

» What? « he’ll chuckle.

» Never mind « she will giggle softly and after they will share a single-hearted kiss before Rebecca will break loose to seek out the bathroom to take her refreshed anti-depressants for tonight. Later she will join him under the covers, insisting to be the big spoon for once and Nathaniel will dismiss it with a » Stop kvetching « as he wraps his arm around her waist and buries his nose in that spot on her neck he knows so well. It will take her a while to come up with the courage, but she will address him in the darkness of their master bedroom eventually and then she’ll tell him about her frustration and fear to fail on a play that means so much to her and he will listen and understand.


	2. We're all sentimental, in the end

🥨🌲💍

She’s unsure of the next step. Her heart is pounding in her chest. Her hands clutching to the phone like a life preserver. Suddenly the receipt of a text.

A text saying that he will be there in fifteen minutes.

» Would you take him of my hands for a sec « Not waiting for an answer Rebecca pushes the toddler into Heather’s arms, who is just fast enough to put a cracker into her mouth. » I’m just goanna go to the bathroom « » Ok. But just so you know, this is a bathroom-door-closed-kind-of-household «, Paula shouts after her from behind the kitchen counter while she prepares the guacamole for a small gurl group reunion on a lazy Sunday on the back porch.

As soon as the door almost closes behind her Rebecca can feel the heat rising in her body. She’s sweating. It’s a sunny afternoon in March with mild temperatures.

It isn’t the weather and she knows it.

It isn’t like the last time; she tries to tell the woman in the mirror. It isn’t like with Josh, right?

Looking back, she feels dissociative to that person. That quirky woman moving to a place she didn’t care for but only saw the opportunity to run from her problems into the arms of a man she manipulated to want her in the end. A place that started to grow on her and suddenly and unexpectedly she called home. She remembers the engagement ring and the high of her supposedly happily ever after, the wedding preparations and the allegedly emptiness of her feelings towards herself, the wedding dress and the down of her realization that Josh wouldn’t let himself be stuffed into her desperate attempt of being fine with herself.

But Josh wasn’t the man of her dreams because love can’t safe you. It never should.

So, what is she doing right now? Or more precisely: What is she doing right now about the text she sent to Nathaniel? The “forgotten” diapers are clearly a distraction for his part. Clearly a stalling tactic on hers. She needs time to think about this, not storm into it as her usual self. Is this really about her bond with Nathaniel or is it about her longing for security? Or the social standards nagging at her feed like her mother’s comment that her grandson is a literal bastard or Nathaniel’s mother who wraps her view of domesticity in different words but in the end with the same old song? There’s a wide range of possibilities. This isn’t a narrow path with only one sure outcome. But at its end there will be Nathaniel entering the house with diapers and the demand for answers.

» What’s taking so long? «, Paula and Heather open the door. » Wow, you didn’t even try «, Heather points out sarcastically and looks at the doorknob.

A » Hm «-sound is all Rebecca can produce. » What’s going on? «, Paula raises her eyebrow. » Have you and Nathaniel been fighting? « » No. Why would say that? «

» Because you seem to be distant ever since you walked through the door and usually that means trouble with you. And since you didn’t start to tell us about your first baby-free night like you would usually do, and I mean go for it, it stands to reason that there’s something going on with you and Nathaniel «, Heather observed in her snarky voice.

» We had very fulfilling sex last night FYI. Ok, we tried. We were exhausted. We’re fine. I tried to… «

» What’s it all about then? «, Paula interrupted Rebecca’s starting point of her well laid out sex life.

» Paula, Heather, is it insane to trick a man by texting him to bring extra diapers while you think about maybe proposing when he arrives? Hypothetically only hypothetically! «, dragging out the words in a high tone, except the last part.

» That’s huge for a drive over, don’t you think? « For a moment the two women opposite of her in the small guest bathroom seemed to be in shock.

» Hello, do we know each other. I sometimes go for a spin class and end up at a bagel store «

» Well, first and foremost: Do you wanna do this? «, Heather questions.

» I do. Yeah, I do «, Rebecca realizes and fondles Flynn’s head absentminded.

She had been through a lot this last year.

They both had been through a lot this last year.

She wasn’t facing it alone anymore. Not since she had seen that dirty blond hair above the crowd countless months after her Valentine’s day debut. Not since he had turned his head to meet her eyes. Not since the hint of a truly honest smile had appeared on his more stubbly than usual cheeks, a beaming bright light around him. But it wasn’t a sign. There never had been. It was simply a spotlight from Darryl’s elaborated party decoration. And neither fate nor destiny had brought them both to this Christmas party at Mountaintops.

» Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, you walk into mine « she opened in the best deep and dark tone as she could, as they both waited for their drinks at the bar an hour or so later.

» Still doing the old timey voice I see « » Are you still bothered by that? «

That’s how it began. Again. With a conversation and a text, the next day. A happy Hanukkah card and a phone call in the evening. Months of casual meetups turned into weekly scheduled gatherings.

A walk in the park and a coffee date that turned into dinner. A conversation about the perspectives of where this was leading after he visited one of her open-stage performances and an insecure kiss as they walked to their cars. Scheduled gatherings turned into official dates.

A weekend get-away and a night at the movies with too much fumbling involved to follow the plot. A fight about chocolate stains in his sheets and the sex that followed. Dates in favored restaurants turned into lazy Sundays on the couch.

The thought of the both of them lying entangled on the couch – she watches old cartoons, drinking coffee, while he reads the economy news on his tablet, fondling her leg absentminded – makes her smile at her reflection in the bathroom mirror.

» Anyone home? « Nathaniel’s unexpected words from the other room bring her back.

» Cookie «, Paula uses the tone that makes her sound more like a mother than a friend, putting her hands around her arm, forcing her to look at her. Rebecca looks in panic. » You’ll find the words. You always found them. Remember your first open-stage night at Valentine’s day! «

» Really? «

» Really! And now you get out there and do what feels right «

A slight push out of the nest of the comfort of a possible “I could if I wanted to”, Rebecca finds herself in the kitchen and before the man who fell asleep during their date night at the cinema the night before. The first time since Flynn had been born, babysit by Paula, and Nathaniel felt so embarrassed that he had to admit that the sleep deprivation was nagging at him and he was more than full of respect for Rebecca’s strength and non-complaining attitude regarding this topic. Next Rebecca told him that she was at her wits end whenever Flynn couldn’t stop crying and she felt so jealous of Nathaniel seemingly all-knowing what to do in these situations.

A liberating car ride home, followed by the lazy attempt of sleepy sex.

» Hey. As you ordered, where do you want these? Is there already a situation at hand? « Nathaniel lifts a pack of diapers into the air as if he was claiming it his prize. It almost is too much. Too much normality in this twister of all the emotions of her towards him.

» You’re a lifesaver «, she says nervously.

» A few years back this wouldn’t have been a diaper call «, Nathaniel teases a not so hidden sexual undertone and tries to go in for a kiss.

» Oh, don’t make me laugh right now «

» Hey, what’s going on? « A concerned look on his face, as he puts the diapers down on the kitchen counter. His hand finding her arm. » You’re worrying me. You’re trembling. Is everything alright? Is Flynn ok? «

» Yeah, he’s fine. We’re fine. I’m fine. It’s just… Oh God. Just give me a moment to breath. There’s something I need to get off my chest and… « Rebecca pulls a loose string of hair behind her ear so that her fingers are at least doing something when the rest of her body seems to be disappearing into a nervous puddle on the floor.

» Rebecca, you’re making me tremble «, Nathaniel laughs anxiously while pushing himself from the kitchen counter and takes her hands in his. She can feel his nervousness.

She tries to shake it off and presses out the words from under her breath. » How about we take a deep breath together, huh? « Nathaniel frowns, but raises no objections. Rebecca closes her eyes and focuses on herself. He does the same.

He had been to a few of her therapy sessions with Dr. Akopian even though he was skeptical at first and those overdramatic statement necklaces didn’t help to convince him either, sinking deep into the cushions of the couch. But he wasn’t here to be convinced. He was here to achieve an outsider’s perspective and hidden deep in the pressure of his chest he was seeking for a direction. A direction on how they could work through this latest sinkhole she seemed to be going in under.

She was bobbing the baby stroller next to her, dark circles under her eyes, swollen and red from exhausting cries. Nathaniel was pretty sure he looked the same.

» Lately I feel like there’s this whole ocean between us «, he said into the silence. » Even though she’s clinging onto me. For example: I lost track of time in the office last week and my phone was blowing up with text messages. I tried to call on the way home, she didn’t answer. As soon as I walk in the door, I find Rebecca in bed, crying hysterically «

» Wow. Hysterical? Hysterical, because I’m a woman? «

» That’s not what I meant. I tried to comfort her, but she pushed me back «

» It’s the hormones! Do you have any idea what a pregnancy can do to the chemical balance of your body, do you? «, Rebecca interrupted him.

» I find her with this sad look on her face staring away for hours, but she won’t talk to me «

» Stop talking about me like I’m not in this room «

» Rebecca is right. Nathaniel I would like for you to talk directly to her «

» Thanks « Rebecca gives as a snarky comment from the side, as Nathaniel turns to face her.

» Ok. You’re hurting me! I wanna support you, but you don’t let me in anymore «

» Rebecca, what is your opinion on the things Nathaniel had to say? For example: What happened with the text messages? Do you want to expand on that? «

» There comes a point we’ll never have problems again «, she replies spiteful. » but lately I feel like you’re staying way longer in the office than usual. Don’t think I’m stupid, I know I’m losing you because we’re all repeating patterns taught by our parents! «

» No, I am simply losing you because you choose you and not us! Again « Nathaniel pointed his index finger at his chest. Tears swelled in her eyes. Rebecca couldn’t hold it in any longer, as Dr. Akopian injected herself into the debate and handed over a box of tissue paper.

» Alright. Each of you had their chance of blowing off some steam. Now it’s time that you start to listen to the messages behind your words. If you agree I’d like to suggest an exercise. This means you sit opposite from each other and focus on the face of the person opposite to you. By looking into each other’s eyes, I want you to reflect on the feelings for another. Rebecca would you lead us? «

They did as Dr. Akopian told and Rebecca started to lose herself in the deep blue. » Nathaniel is a… sequoia tree to me. He’s stable. He’s reliable. He makes me laugh when he tries to be super serious. I love him for not pushing me when I don’t want to. When I get the feeling, I don’t need to use words and he understands. I love him for that. Just as much as I love him for always trying. Yeah, I love him as a partner and a dad and as a friend «

» Now it’s your turn, Nathaniel « He dried off his sweaty palms on his jeans, as if he was trying in vain not to fail this test. It was cute and painful at the same time.

» Tell her what you feel «, Dr. Akopian encouraged him.

» I uhm… « Those doe eyes filled with so much sadness and heft of the past. » I love her. I mean I love you. You make me question things and look beyond my horizon. I love her for allowing me to open up to her… and myself. She’s sexy. She’s quirky and spontaneous and I want this to work, because… because I don’t want to lose her and the family we build «, Nathaniel’s voice softens.

» See, sometimes I don’t believe that, because I fear that one day, you’ll just close the door and leave me to myself «

» Why would I do something like that? When have I ever done that? «

» I don’t know. Maybe you’ll getting sick of this train wreck. Or maybe you feel like I just drag you down or you realize that playing house won’t make you happy. Maybe it’s that. Maybe it’s all of them. Who knows «, she sank exhausted into the couch.

» Maybe it’s best we don’t get consumed in this cycle of blame and focus instead on the feelings between you two. Rebecca, what did you mean by saying that Nathaniel might realize that playing house won’t make him happy? «

Rebecca’s response was honest and raw, even when it took her a moment to put it into words.

» There is this scene playing in my head. My mom and dad fighting and my dad walking out on us, while I stay there in the middle of the living room. Frozen. And it’s not my dad I see. He has his clothes yes, but it’s Nathaniel’s face. And then the door snaps shut «

It felt good letting that pressure out, but at the same time she knew she was hurting him with these words that had been haunting her for a few weeks now, because in a worst case scenario it meant that she didn’t trust him enough to be a loyal father and partner. She hated herself for it.

» May I bring my opinion into this conversation? Nathaniel is not your father. He isn’t. All the things you listed during your exercise about Nathaniel; would you qualify any of these attributes with your father, Rebecca? «

The tearing, gut-wrenching silence. » No «, she breathed out heavily and shook her head, hair falling like a waterfall over her face, hiding a new stream of tears.

» Then why do you think you circle back to these feelings lately? «

» Like you know the answer «, Rebecca snorted out and Dr. Akopian raised her eyebrow at her. » But you still want me to verbalize it, so I hear it out loud and Nathaniel has a share in my feelings and thoughts. Ok. So, it’s a pattern. It’s what I know. That the people I care about will leave me eventually. It’s a tramped path I know by heart and sometimes it’s just easier. And I know it’s not good or healthy. I guess I just… got caught in there, because… «, Rebecca’s sight hovered over the sleeping baby. » Because ever since Flynn was born, from time to time there appears my mother’s voice inside that tells me that I’m not cut out for this, that all of it will crash and burn… that it will be like my family and history repeats itself in different roles. So there it is. It’s out there «

As Rebecca looked up, she found herself being confronted with Dr. Akopian who smiled empathetically and Nathaniel whose expression spoke of despair. » I’m sorry that you feel this way « His throat felt constricted and she wasn’t able to look him in the eyes. She wasn’t sure if he also had to brush away a tear.

For a moment they entangled in a warm embrace of comfort through teary eyes, until Dr. Akopian made them continue to explore this conversation piece and reminded Rebecca of her usual appointment in the week that followed, to reflect more on the revelation that had just taken place.

Inhale. Exhale. As Rebecca opens her eyes, she finds herself being confronted with Nathaniel whose expression speaks of concern.

» Nothing good gets away «, Rebecca clears her throat. » And you of all people should know that it isn’t that easy for me to express my love or falling truly in love, ever since I started to really reflect on myself, work on myself. In the end love is just a word for a thousand different things. Some of them are beautiful, like watching you and Flynn in the bathtub. Splashing the water or you and me walking the streets of Rome at night. But there’s also this other side with me. That side when I feel so sorry because you love me for the hell of it and sometimes, I can’t appreciate that enough. So, thank you for not giving up on this. These moments of comprehension and happiness in these everyday occasions if it weren’t for you and me. And then there’s this tingling in my stomach. It’s warm and fuzzy and it makes me smile. Don’t get me wrong I know it’s not a happily ever after or defining what we have, but… «

It's now or never.

» I guess what I’m trying to say is… « Paula and Heather hover around the doorframe. Flynn in Paula’s arms. Their inner tension noticeable. But Rebecca’s sight is a tunnel and at its end there’s only Nathaniel leaning against the kitchen counter.

» Do you wanna get married? «

Nathaniel’s eyes wander quickly over her face, trying to maybe find a sign of an elaborated hoax in her eyes, trying to make sense of the words that emerged from her mouth. And then a smile appears on his face. A grin from cheek to cheek.

» Are you trying to make an honest man out of me? «, he chuckles while pushing forward, running his hands through her hair, and leaning in for a kiss. » Answer the question, Plimpton «, she whispers under her breath, their lips almost sealed.

» Let’s get married, Bunch « Kiss and smile. Heartbeat and assails of cheers.

As Heather opens a bottle of white wine because there’s no champagne to be found in the Procter household and they all cling their glasses, Rebecca announces that she will be keeping her last name since this is the 21st century. Nathaniel later will make sure that his fiancée won’t be doing the heavy lifting on the wedding preparations, because he remembers quite alarmingly the rumors of her last wedding and the fight with a homeless person about some empty bottles for her decoration. She will dismiss this fact by hitting him playfully on the arm.

They get married in early October surrounded by a small group of family members and close friends in the garden of the Plimpton estate. White camellias, roses, and hydrangeas all around.

Rebecca will frame her favorite snapshot. In the picture she tried to feed Nathaniel a slice of the wedding cake they cut seconds before. Some frosting sticking to the tip of his nose, her trying to wipe it away with her fingers. Both laughing and that tingling feeling inside.


End file.
